The Story Behind. If I Only Knew~


  We each remember the great day we said yes to the Lord Jesus.   We would follow him for the rest of our lives.

 I had quite the experience when I met the Lord for the first time.  That lead me to have such a desire to know him more.

My salvation has been a journey.  Step by step I have walked with him.  He (Jesus) turned my world around.  Every step, he drew me closer 

to him in my heart.  The closer I came to my Lord and savior the more I was able to know him by the  many names that he has. 

 As I  grew, I was able to know him more deeply then ever before.  It had come through very painful loss in my life. 

I even doubted who I was in him.  Or if I had made up this fantasy of Jesus in my mind.

 Every question one can have about our Lord,  I was faced with.  Every time I asked him,  "well Lord what about?"  Whatever that question had to be. 

It was easier to ask him that way.  To make it look like it was my fault that I didn't know the answers.  To put it back on myself.  Who was I to ever question him?

It was easier to place doubt and unbelief on what I wasn't or would ever be.  So I thought.

So this particular day,  I asked the Lord.  "Lord, do I  know how to Love?"   I told myself that I was the problem.  That I didn't know how to love. 

About one week later when I was not even thinking about what I asked the Lord,  I received a phone call from an ex- spouse 

asking me if I could bring him something to eat at his job.  He was having problems with what he was doing at his job and said he had not eaten or had anything to drink.

I said I would as I grumbled about why he had called me to bring him something.  So I loaded my two dogs in the truck went and got him something to eat and drink and drove to the oil field where he worked.  As I pulled up I heard a very loud sound coming from the building that he was working in.  It went something like this. Rrrrrrrrr!

Rrrrrrrrr! Rrrrrrrrr!  Then I saw a flash of fire that went through the whole building.  Seconds later, he came running out of the building screaming," get out of here!"

"The building is going to blow!"  I said,  "no get in the truck now!"  His tone changed in his voice saying, "Sandy," I need you to leave now!"  I said,  "no I will not leave you here!"  He then said,  "I have to get the gas off or this whole town will blow!  Call for help!"  I said,  "ok."  He then runs to the shut offs of the pipes turning them off.  I am trying to think what to do.  I didn't even know where we were.   Then it was like heaven showed up.  Everything slowed down.  I heard the Lord say,  "Sandy, you have on star.  Hit the button."   So I did.  I told them to locate my truck and they began to help me.  I finally got my ex spouse to get into the truck.  And as we go to the bottom of the hill, the fire truck pulls up and the building blows up!  We went into the fields to turn off gas lines.  Well, to say the least, that was very dramatic.   The next day, as I woke up after all of this, I heard the Lord in my heart say, " Sandy, do you know how to Love?"  Well, I realized, not only did I know how to love, but that I knew how to lay down my own life for a friend.  Who I didn't even think was a friend.  Love never looks out for self.  Love always looks out for your brother or sister.  You give!  So my heart was moved to write my song, If I Only Knew, when I was taught that I had the heart of my father.  The heavenly father.  I was grateful to know the truth to this question.  It set me free! 


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)